It was my birthday yesterday and really the first time I wasn’t super excited for it. I wasn’t depressed or anything, just not stoked like normal. Is it because I’m now 31 and the next memorable number is 40? I’m not fighting aging, it’s just happening much faster than I expected. There is still so much I still want to accomplish and experience and I’m getting anxious that I won’t have time to do it all. Sure I’m making strides, marriage, kids, house…but there is still the traveling, sailing boating, owning my own vintage store…you know…the stuff for dreamers. With my big ambitions seeming so far away, I am learning to find satisfaction in the small victories. For example, furnishing the house how I want it and finally throwing out the hand-me-downs. Going to a concert with my daughter. Making a sale on eBay and/or etsy. Of course I’m proud of my wonderful husband and my two great kids, but a girl…well this girl anyways…has got to have day-to-day, month to month goals to keep her sane. And making a 2 month old doctors appointment or cleaning the bathrooms doesn’t count.
I think it’s when I stop caring what others will think and start listening to myself that I can finally relax. I’ve begun keeping a constant flow of fresh-cut flowers throughout the house. I’m trying new recipes and painting the kitchen cabinets. I’m realizing that wild impulsive teenager who never backed down from what she wanted is still in there and even as a married mom, she is desperately wanting to shine through.